In 1958 Moreese
Bickham was sentenced to death after being falsely convicted of murder. For 14
years and seven stays of execution he lived on death row, in solitary confinement,
for 23 hours a day. In total, he was incarcerated for over 37 years before
being exonerated and walking away a free man in 1996. Upon his release, he was
quoted as saying:
“I don’t have one minute’s regret. It was a glorious experience.”
Have you ever met
someone who experienced a terrible event or a discouraging setback and, instead
of complaining about it, they concluded they’re better off in the end?
Whether it’s a toxic
relationship, a life-threatening illness or, in the case of Mr. Bickham, being
wrongly convicted of a crime, certain people somehow manage to experience
happiness and gratitude when they don’t get what they want in life.
- Are they delusional?
- Are they in denial?
- Are they living a Pollyanna existence or perhaps merely crazy?
According to Harvard
University social psychologist Dan Gilbert, people who are able to frame a
terrible experience in a positive light are far from crazy. They’re simply in
touch with their capacity to synthesize their own happiness.
Synthesized happiness
is the capacity within the human brain to feel happy about an unexpected or
unwanted outcome. It’s happiness we ‘create’ when we don’t get what we want.
The Bickhams of the world aren’t crazy, in denial, or rationalizing their experiences
– they’re merely displaying the ability to create their own happiness.
It’s easy to feel
happy when we get what we’re after in life: the dream vacation, a bigger
salary, earning a degree, becoming physically fit. But what happens when life hands
us a situation that’s less than ideal?
While we can’t always
get what we want, it’s possible to learn how to like what we get. During his
incarceration, bitterness and anger could have consumed Moreese Bickham.
Instead, he seized the experience as an opportunity and learned leather making,
worked in the visitor’s center, maintained a garden, and became an ordained minister.
His happiness was
determined by his behavior, how he
perceived his relationships, experiences, and circumstances.
Creating your own
happiness isn’t about fooling yourself, settling, rationalizing, or living in
denial. It’s about finding what to like about a particular situation and
realizing that even the worst circumstances bring with it something to be positive
about.
Most of us will never
experience the kind of injustice Mr. Bickham did, but the world is full of
uncertainty. Even under normal circumstances it’s human nature to overestimate
our desired outcomes and, by extension, overestimate the happiness we expect to
experience in any given situation. That can lead to a lot of disappointment.
Synthesizing happiness
allows us to accept the uncertainly and disappointment by manifesting positive
thoughts when things go wrong. When we’re better able to accept uncertainty and
setbacks, or even welcome them, happiness can flourish.
People who are able to
find hope in hopeless situations tend to be healthier, have more positive
relationships, and live longer. These people aren’t faking it – they genuinely
believe things worked out for the better.
No situation is all
good or all bad. The key to synthesizing your own happiness is to look for the
good in every event and circumstance. Practicing synthesized happiness lets us
see a less than ideal situation in a new, positive light. Moreese Bickham’s
experience is proof that happiness is achievable under any conditions. He created
his own happiness by making the best of his circumstances and you can too.
The next time you find
yourself feeling like you’re in a terrible situation ask yourself, what’s one
positive thing I can take away from this situation? Once you come up with one
good thing ask yourself, what’s another good thing about this situation? This triggers
the mind to create alternative perspectives and focus on the positive.
It’s no secret that
life is full of challenges, disappointments, and heartbreak. Having the ability
to interpret less-than-ideal outcomes in a positive light – to create your
happiness no matter how dire the situation you face - makes it easier to focus
on the bright side of life and experience more joy.
As the New Year is
approaching, it’s time to position yourself for a happy and successful year
ahead. The next time you find yourself missing out on the happiness you want,
take charge and create it yourself – it will be a glorious experience!
JoAnn Youngblood King, CTA Certified Success Coach, Author, Speaker and Owner of Live Your Potential is a member of Coach Training Alliance, and The International Association of Coaches. She specializes in working with mom entrepreneurs to find the time needed to start their business or take their existing business to the next level. To reach your immediate goals get strategic steps by subscribing to her newsletter to the right. For ways of achieving goals with your faith, JoAnn's book, Live Your Potential and Let Your Faith Lead You to Success available on Amazon.
